LAUGH LAB: “Bargain Basement Politics”

THE  PEOPLE  OF  THE  UNITED  STATES  HAVE  HERE  NOW  SPOKEN……GOOD BY  to those ‘Disneyland On The Potomac Puppets’  in their  $5000.  suits and pompous hairdos.  So long to their  ‘Good Ole Boys Network’  and closed door back room capers.  To those lobbyists and private interest groups,  you may start crawling back into your holes to never see daylight again.

HELLO  CONGRESS!  Any  (435)  of you who are wealthy will be taking the  $2.00  trip in all total  (2 terms @ 2 yrs each)  piling up a grand total of $4.00.

HELLO  SENATE!  Any  (100)  of you who are wealthy will be taking the  $2.00  trip in all total  (1 term @ 6 yrs)  amassing a grand total of $12.00.

Any Congress or Senate member who cannot afford to work in government,  a special  (living wage)  arrangement will be made.  Included specially for both are no benefits nor retirement pensions.  However should any of you choose to excel in producing results for your country……those wonders will be automatically given a sales bonus of  $10.  a yr.

MONOPOLIES  are against the law.  The Republican & Democratic  PARTIES  hold the largest  ILLEGAL  monopoly in the world and will be  ABOLISHED  by choosing the most  ABSURD  court.  All candidates will be determined by their non political and/or political track records via the internet.  Party Primaries now cease to exist…instead allowing popular vote where every vote counts.  Thus saving taxpayers millions of dollars of which can be credited toward paying off the national debt which all of you created in the first place.

OH……I forgot to tell you about the  PERKS  which are  CONSIDERABLE:

*Politicians will all  FLY on  MILITARY  craft rather than commercial 1st class.

*Congressional & Senatorial OFFICES  will be located in the  SLUMS.

*Citizens Committees you will  EMBRACE…who are made up of high school students, college grads, laborers, office workers and of course the unemployed who all will act as your  ASSISTANTS.  These dear souls will be subsisting on  living wage and benefits.

*All state districts will require  AVERAGE  CITIZENS;  including boy scouts & girl scouts;  to give you an  AGENDA… THEIRS not yours.

*The  HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE  has been  REMODELED  into a full scale  GYM  where you will rise early to faithfully  SWEAT  workouts 5x per week.

*HANKY  PANKY  of extra marital activity will be cause for immediate  DISMISSAL.

*Don’t forget how important  ENTERTAINMENT  is as yours will be  BINGO!

PROTECTION:  each member of Congress/Senate will be fitted with a  MONITOR  which gauges time worked,  committees and meetings attended and job performance.  Of course the National Guard will be both your security and policing army to keep you in line.

Those of you  LUCKILY  to be  VOTED  in will undergo psychological testing,  criminal back ground checks,  gender checks,  medical checkups and personal/professional track records  BEFORE  you are  SWORN  in by the most obnoxious comedian of the times.